Pull Pune out of the Pits!

Traffic conditions in Pune are worse than being in a war-zone. The projectiles, the pollution, the smoke, the foul smells, vehicles tearing in seemingly random directions, the curses flying around, the land mines, and trenches and all the thick animosity in the air make a battle seem like my grandparents' fiftieth wedding anniversary party.

Driving a vehicle in Pune while still remaining alive requires special martial arts training, guerilla warfare tactics, lightning reflexes, stunt-car driving skills and immunity to poisonous materials. Roads in Pune are more treacherous than an military obstacle course. With more potholes than roads, driving becomes a stress-test for the shock absorbing capability of the vertebral column, and the pain threshold of the Gluteus Maximus. With drainages spewing hazardous waste, heavy and jagged junk being thrown at you, masked ninjas (bandit queens or putlibai) waving at you and exploding inner-tubes, it becomes a test of reflexes. Stationary vehicles in a fast lane and fast vehicles on the sidewalk make an excellent navigability test. Deciphering random traffic signals and battle language with finger movements makes a challenging cognitive linguistics test. Roadside attractions invoke superhuman concentration skills. Navigating in space (in the shortest time possible) requires extreme guerilla tactics like smoke screens, disorienting hand signals and disarming puddle-splash attacks. Immunity to claustrophobia, ability to sustain vital signs in low oxygen circumstances and high immunity to gaseous neurotoxins are also abilities critical for survival.

There exists an elite clan of traffic-commandos to ever hit this war-zone, the most feared creatures on the road, the epitome of evolution in Pune -- Rickshawallahs. Rickshawallahs are trained in the art of war right from childhood. They are killing machines, tuned to seek and destroy. The best survival technique in Pune is to avoid them like the plague. An encounter with one such trained soldier is more painful than jumping off a 30 storey building and landing on a bicycle with no seat. You have been warned!

A simple act like crossing a road means war. Driving on the road is the equivalent of a full blown battle. With all this belligerent war-like tendencies being refined in Puneites by the act of driving, it should come as no surprise if they percolate into other areas of our life. Simple chores like buying vegetables, filling up gas or catching a bus involve kung-fu moves, verbal assault, death threats and bio-degradable projectiles. In this Darwinian struggle, only the fittest, fastest and rudest survive.

The problem with constant war is that it creates a lot of stress, which takes away years, even decades from your life. Rage, rashness, rudeness lead to aneurysms, ulcers, even cancer. And of course, there are a lot of casualties of war and infrastructure damage to buildings and vehicles.
How can we make Pune a safe place to drive? Is there a way to declare ceasefire?

It is clear that if one man drives conscientiously, he will be killed. If he acts polite and lets others go ahead, he will remain in that spot forever, or worse, get killed. The solution is to have critical mass in this movement to pull Pune out of the pits. When there are enough people following rules, being considerate and, dare I say it, civilized, others will automatically synchronize and fall into rhythm. The science of biological resonators will back up this claim.

The question now is, how do we create a critical mass of polite Punekars? This, by far, sounds harder than "Having peace on earth, and love among all humans beings". The good news is that there might actually be a way to make it work. I now propose the "Pull Pune out of the Pits" program. This program is intended to target the root cause of the traffic problems: lack of discipline, politeness and consideration for fellow humans. I am not saying that Punekars individually are thus. The problem is that there is critical mass of undisciplined and rude drivers due to collective behavior, and this forces the best of us to follow, or we will never survive. Generating critical mass to force the rest into good habits would take faith, support of a few conscientitious individuals, and a lot of patience.

The program starts with the introduction of a subject called "Practical Traffic and Politeness" in high schools (starting from say the 8^th grade through 11^th grade). The course will involve both theory and practical training. The theory will cover basic traffic etiquette, manners, right of way, road signs, etc. The practical will cover actual on-site observation where students shall have the opportunity to observe the behavior of people and comment on it. They will be encouraged to make creative slogans motivating people to follow rules, be polite, etc, and demonstrate silently on selected roads in Pune. The will also be encouraged to involve their family members in the "Pull Pune out of the Pits" drive. All this activity will be part of a one-hour-per-week theory/practical session.

Schools can send volunteering teachers to special educational centers where a group of PhD students (specializing in Teacher Education for Special Programs) will instruct them in the art of instruction. This program and its implementation will not only make a smashing PhD thesis topic, it will also change the face of Pune for the better (hint, Mom).

If a majority of schools participate in this program, in about two-three months, I predict a measurable change for the better will take place in traffic patterns and drivers' attitude. Stress levels all over the city will reduce, accident statistics will drop and traffic jams and grid locks will dissolve. Pollution levels will decrease as more people become aware. More people will lobby for regular maintenance of roads, and see it through. Pune will truly become the best place to live in, like it was just fifty years ago!

--Sandeep Ranade